[audio:http://www.theblackthornproject.com/audio/SpeakToMe.mp3]
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Some who know me (Laurie) know that in my mommy-hood I go to Wal-Mart to be alone. Oh yes. Wal-Mart. On this particular night I went to Wal-Mart because of that thing… That feeling that makes me want to call everyone I know for some “you’re the most awesome person in the universe” encouragement that my black hole of need tells me I must have.
But, in the spirit of this current season of taking charge of that need and not succumbing to it, I escaped. Not to the beautiful rivers that run just outside town or to one of the hiking trails that I can access just a few blocks away, but to Wal-Mart, the place I go to be alone.
I finished my trip empty-handed. I didn’t buy anything except more time with myself and my self-doubt. It was one of those nights when those voices were particularly loud in my ears, lying to me about who I am, how I behave. And I just kept getting more and more tired of being myself and not someone else who might have it more together than I do.
As I got in the car and pulled out of the parking lot, I cried to the Father out loud: “I can hear everybody else’s voice but yours. My head is so full that I can’t sort through what’s true and what’s not. I’m tired of being so concerned with others’ and my own expectations and opinions of me.” I asked the Lord to get everybody’s voice, including my own, out of my head. “I need to hear it from you. . .who am I to you? How do you see me?”
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“Speak to Me” by Laura Elizabeth Thornton copyright Bricklayer Music Publishing (ASCAP) 2009, registered with CCLI.
I totally feel you…thanks for writing this song! love you and miss you! let’s get together soon!!
WOW!
Thanks for sharing this song, I think everyone can connect to how it feels to be in that state of self doubt and unable to see yourself through the Father’s eyes.
“Let my lips taste that You’re good.”
What a beautiful prayer..
I love it. Not only the song, but the description you give about what you were feeling at the time of writing this song. It’s always encouraging to hear how you’re not the only one that suffers through those times of insecurity and not hearing The Lord.
Thanks for your hearts.
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